


Netflix and Chill? Okay, Sure... Get Your Lips Away from Me

by Stars_in_her_tea



Category: B.A.P
Genre: Ace!Youngjae, Bitter and sassy af, Dubious Consent, Himchan is basically that token alcoholic friend from every rom-com in existence, I think it's dubious?, I'm gonna try to make this have a happy ending, M/M, Sad and depressing at first, Seriously though the entire story is basically Youngjae being salty, Youngjae is salty, oh god what have I done
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-28
Updated: 2016-11-12
Packaged: 2018-07-27 05:54:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7606258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stars_in_her_tea/pseuds/Stars_in_her_tea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every relationship Youngjae's been in has ended the same. Daehyun tries to break that trend. Also known as: Youngjae is salty 24/7 and Daehyun is a ball of sunshine.</p><p>Constructive criticism and comments in general are appreciated!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It's Always the Same

**Author's Note:**

> So I made a thing... Just been noticing the lack of kpop fics with ace characters let alone ones for B.A.P so I figured I'd write one. Enjoy!

“Asexual? Challenge accepted!”

 

“So are you like a plant or something?”

 

“How do you know if you’ve never tried it?”

 

“You just haven’t met the right person yet.”

 

“Oh, don’t worry! It’s just a phase. You’ll change your mind eventually.”

 

“You’ve got to want to fuck something!”

 

“Sex is part of what makes us human!”

 

     Yoo Youngjae had heard it all. The message had been drilled into his head so many times that such ignorant statements no longer bothered him. He had grown accustomed to being mocked for his lack of sexual attraction. It had reached where he had compiled a FAQ list of sorts on his phone so that he could avoid wasting precious air trying to explain himself.

 

1\. Challenge accepted!

Please fuck off.

2\. Are you a plant?

I can’t stress this enough, no, I am not a plant.

3\. How do you know if you’ve never tried it?

How do you know you won’t like fucking yourself with a hot curling iron if you’ve never tried it? For the record, I have had sex on multiple occasions with different people. And it was just as boring and unenjoyable as I predicted every single time.

4\. You just haven’t met the right person yet.

Maybe you’re right. Maybe one day I’ll be graced to find a man with a magic dick that will make me change my tune! Or maybe one day I can tell someone I’m not interested in sex and not subsequently have to answer a shit ton of increasingly stupid questions.

5\. It’s just a phase!

Please see above.

6\. You’ve got to want to fuck something!

Yet I don’t.

7\. Sex is part of what makes us human! I guess I’m one step closer to being a deity than everyone else.

 

     As one might expect, most people aren’t willing to forego sex. It didn’t surprise Youngjae that he hadn’t ever had a long-lasting relationship. Even if everything was going smoothly, it all went south as soon as his partner wanted to move forward with their relationship. He’d constantly say things like “Let’s wait” or “I’m not ready yet” but after so many excuses, his partner would get fed up with him. Usually, they’d end up confronting him, leading to a fight, which would go on until he finally relented, ultimately leading up to sex because that’s what happy couples are supposed to do after they make up. Right?

 

     In the morning, he’d leave, get dressed, and leave a dear-John note on the nightstand. It was a cruel practice, letting his partner’s mind run rampant with reasons as to why things wouldn’t work out; it didn’t help that he was breaking up with them immediately after “make up sex”. An hour or two later, he’d receive a barrage of texts and calls, leading him to block them. He’d spend the next few days alone in his apartment going about his business, ignoring the rapid knocking on the door and the requests to come inside. It didn’t take too long before they gave up, but not without directing a few profanities towards him and a promise that they’d find someone better. Those words used to hurt, cut deep wounds that left scars. Now he merely brushed them off, too numb to care.

 

     Sooner or later, he’d give in to his friends’ persistence and go out with someone who was supposedly “perfect for him”. The words, “Maybe it will different this time…” repeating in his head as he sat down at a table across from a handsome man with a toothy grin. The mantra echoed in his mind as the typical questions of work, family, and hobbies were exchanged. As they laughed at each jokes. As his date paid the check. As his date walked him back to his apartment complex.

“Would you mind if I came in for a glass of water?” Maybe it will be different this time. He ignored the glass offered to him and instead walked towards his bedroom without invitation, leaving Youngjae with no option but to follow him. His date looked around his room as he stood by the doorframe. Youngjae coughed a little to get his date’s attention. Seconds later he found himself face to face with the other man; the doorframe felt smaller than before. “I had a really nice time tonight.” Youngjae was unable to get out a reply as the other man kissed him softly. Maybe it will be different this time. He found himself mentally chanting the mantra as he found his back completely pressed against the wall. As his date’s kisses grew rougher, his intentions clearer. Maybe it will be different this time. As he found himself lying on the bed while the other man began unbuttoning his shirt. As his neck was smothered in kisses. Maybe I should just get it over with… As the other man repeatedly tugged at the hem of his shirt, ignoring his quiet protests of “I’m tired” or “It’s getting late” or “Let’s take things slow”. Youngjae sighed in acceptance.

“I need you to get off of me. Now.” His voice was even, calm, as if he hadn’t had to say this multiple times in the past. His date looked down in confusion but got up so that Youngjae could sit up straight. “I don’t think this isn’t going to work out.” The other man’s expression shifted from confusion to anger.

 

“Why are you like this?! I paid for dinner, I laughed at your jokes, I did everything I was supposed to do! Why are you such a tease?!” Youngjae could only sit in silence as he rubbed up and down his arm, staring at the floor while his date continued his tirade. At this point all he wanted was for this guy to leave so he could try to sleep. “What’s wrong with you?!” Silence. Youngjae tentatively looked up when he realized that his date had stopped talking, expecting an answer. With hesitation, he replied.

 

“I’m not…” He paused trying to finds the right words without directly saying he was asexual. He avoided using the label at all costs, nothing good had ever come from it, not to mention that he had difficulty embracing a label that had caused him nothing but trouble and only made life more difficult for him. “I don’t… experience sexual attraction.” He finished quietly. Nothing. He wasn’t sure whether to be scared or content with that. He looked up to see his date hurriedly buttoning his shirt, still visibly upset. As the man left the room, he followed hesitantly, while keeping his distance. “Can we talk about this please? I’m sorry…” Apparently, that was the wrong to say as his date threw the glass of water at him. He managed to step to the side as it whizzed past his head before hitting the wall behind him, resulting in an explosion of water and glass. He directed his attention away from the mess as the heard the door slam violently. Youngjae sighed once more as he made his towards the kitchen, retrieving a broom and pan to clean up the broken glass littering the floor. “It’s never different.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh, I am sorry for the delay. This should've been months ago but schoolwork hit me like a truck. That being said, I hope you enjoy.

“Hey, Casanova, how’d it go last night?” Himchan asked knowingly, eying the purple marks scattered on Youngjae’s neck.

 

“Bite me.” He was in no mood to deal with his hyung’s relationship advice.

 

“That bad, huh?” Youngjae merely nodded in response before taking a sip of his coffee. Himchan groaned in exasperation, “Ugh. I thought he was a nice guy!” Youngjae took note of his hyung’s dazed look and flushed face, staring at his “coffee” in suspicion. “Wait, why are you taking my drink?”

 

“Is it possible that you’ve had enough?”

 

“It was ONE time! Besides I didn’t put anything in my drink this time…”

 

“What’s 12 times 13?” Himchan pouted, conceding defeat. Sometimes, Youngjae forgot that he was four years younger than his hyung. Despite Himchan being a little… Odd at times, he was a good hyung, even if Youngjae would never tell him that. To be honest, Himchan didn’t really act like a hyung so much as a stereotypical, drunk, suburban mom. Yes, despite Youngjae having his own biological mother who was alive and well, and despite him being an adult, Himchan, more or less, acted like his mom ~~much to his discontent~~.

 

“Sorry it didn’t turn out well…”

 

“I didn’t really expect it to in the first place.” It wasn’t fun seeing his ~~tipsy mother figure~~ hyung distressed, but lightening the mood wasn’t really one of his specialties. “Besides, I’ve had worse dates. You were just trying to be nice.”

 

“But don’t you want to find someone?”

 

“I guess it’d be nice but I’ve been fine on my own so far.”

 

“What happened anyway?”

 

“He wanted to fool around; I didn’t. He got mad and broke something, then he left. Nothing out of the ordinary.” Himchan nodded quietly, seeing that Youngjae didn’t have anything else to say. After that, the conversation slowly drifted towards the usual small talk plus whatever random gossip Himchan had to share despite Youngjae not caring about such things.

 

“If you don’t mind me changing the subject, there’s a bar that opened up recently and I was planning on going tonight with some friends but they had to cancel so… Wanna be my plus one?”

 

“Hyung, not to be rude but, you tend to get just the _tiniest_ bit carried away when alcohol is involved.”

 

”I do NOT! Besides, it’s going to be any fun drinking by myself and it’s not like you have anything to do tonight besides sulk in your apartment.”

 

“I don’t sulk… Fine, I’ll go. But I’m only going because you have no self-control when it comes to alcohol.”

 

“Ignoring that debatable-“

 

“Truthful.”

 

“ _Debatable_ statement. I’ll pick you up later tonight.”

 

“Alright, fine.” There was no point in trying to argue, Himchan would always end up finding some way to persuade him. With the usual goodbyes exchanged, Youngjae exited the café. Meanwhile, Himchan pulled out his cellphone.

 

“Hey, wanna go drinking tonight? There’s someone I want you to meet.”

 

***

 

Heyyyyyy im here to pick u up~

 

              Youngjae looked at the text from Himchan and let out a silent prayer. Was he drunk already? It was inevitable, but was it wrong for him to hold onto the small hope that he wouldn’t have to deal with his drunk hyung this early in the night? Bracing himself for whatever would happen, he grabbed his jacket and wallet before exiting his apartment and making his way down the stairs.

 

Btw I may or may not have had something to drink beforehand

sooooo my friend is gonna pick u up in my car

 

              He looked up from his phone and saw his car parked outside the apartment complex with some guy he’d never seen before standing beside it.

 

“Uh, hi. Who are you?” _Who the fuck are you and are you the leader of a human trafficking ring?_ Youngjae knew that Himchan was a social butterfly but he was still apprehensive about getting in a vehicle with someone he didn’t know.

 

“Himchan hyung’s friend?”

 

“Your name?”

 

 The other male looked a little started almost… Flustered? “Uh, Jung Daehyun. Anyways, he was going to come pick you up but I didn’t really think he was in the best shape to drive.” Youngjae left out a short sigh of exasperation.

 

“Wait, he drove you to the bar and planned on going back to pick me up? Why didn’t he just pick up both of us to avoid having to do two separate trips?” The guy, now known to him as Daehyun, shrugged.

 

“Dunno. Are you ready to leave?” Youngjae nodded silently in response.

 

              The drive wasn’t the most awkward situation he’d experienced but it was certainly close to it. _Hyung didn’t tell me he was bringing someone else._

 

“Uh, did he mention who else was going to be there tonight?”

 

“Himchan hyung? He just told me that there was someone he wanted to meet, so I’m guessing it’s just the three of us. Why?”

 

“No reason.” _Fuck._ Himchan had a history of meddling with Youngjae’s love life, or lack thereof, but he’d never made the latter unwittingly agree to a blind date. _Note to self: Plot Himchan hyung’s murder._ He let out a sharp exhale, trying to focus on the surroundings moving outside the vehicle. _What’s the maximum speed that a car can travel for me to be able to jump out of it without dying? Was it ten or fifteen miles per hour?_ He darted his eyes towards the speedometer. _What the hell?! Is he trying to get me killed? Okay, so that plan is out the question at this point. Oh wait, he’s saying something._

 

“Hey, we’re here.” Youngjae was brought back to reality by the vehicle’s abrupt stop (read: screeching halt). By the time he’d gotten out the car, Daehyun was already walking inside the bar. It was larger than he’d anticipated, causing him to wander past parties of people, trying to find his hyung.

 

              Despite multiple apologies for bumping into people and almost causing a patron to spill their drink, he’d finally managed to find Himchan and Daehyun. He felt relieved for a second, and then extreme annoyance upon remembering that he had fallen victim to his hyung’s game of matchmaker. _Hello, Judas_.

 

“Ah, Youngjae! You’re here. You’ve already met Daehyun, right?” Youngjae nodded, giving his hyung a death glare in the hopes that it would kill him. It, unfortunately, did not. He begrudgingly sat down, still staring menacingly at Himchan, even though Himchan was too drunk to notice.

 

              Seeing how Himchan was still alive and well, the all-too familiar conversation topics were addressed. Such riveting topics like hometowns, schooling, some token story about how “they got so wasted that they threw up on a waitress”, and dates of birth. Despite initial impressions, Daehyun was technically his hyung, but insisted on not being called as such. It wasn’t like it mattered to Youngjae, he barely knew the guy.

 

              The night slowly passed, Himchan becoming so intoxicated that he probably wouldn’t recognize his parents’ faces if he was shown a picture of them. Not that Himchan was in any way reserved while sober but, his lack of on inhibition while drunk put his already-impressive lack of inhibition while sober to shame. _Oh god, they have a karaoke machine._ His hyung was half singing along, half holding in vomit while dancing to Wonder Girls’ Nobody. What _did I do to deserve this? I’m a good person… I’m a relatively good person… I haven’t murdered anyone… Yet. Okay, maybe I do deserve this_. As much as he detested Himchan for dragging him into this, he didn’t have the confidence to hold a conversation with someone he barely knew.

“So, uh, you know strait-jackets?” Daehyun let out a small choking sound as he tried to avoid spitting out his drink. _Already off to a rough start_.

 

“Uh, yes?”

 

“Um, y-y know the sleeves… They use the sleeves to restrain the person, right?” _Posterchild of eloquence, Yoo Youngjae_.

 

“I think so? Why’d you ask?”

 

“Oh, uh, you know just… thinking about strait-jackets, that’s all.” _Way to reel him in, Youngjae. Fucking A+ conversation skills_.

 

“If I could ask a question unrelated to strait-jackets, how do you know Himchan hyung? I’m just asking because you guys seem pretty different from one another.”

 

“He’s a friend from my university.” He didn’t feel like adding to that statement and thankfully Daehyun seemed to acknowledge that and not ask more questions. Youngjae focused on the dregs of alcohol in the soju bottle, trying to avoid awkward conversation. _Hyung, help_. Sadly, his screams of inner turmoil went unheard.

 

“Hey, I’m gonna go the bathroom.” Youngjae nodded silently. He craned his head to see if he had disappeared into the crowd before pouring himself a shot of soju. He ignored the faint burning of his throat and scanned the crowd for Himchan. _Where the hell is he?_

 

“What the hell do you mean I was getting too disruptive?! I was in the damn zone and then you narcs came and interrupted me!” _Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck_. It wasn’t the first time Himchan had gotten a bit argumentative with restaurant servers after having a few too many drinks.

 

“Sir, you hopped on the bar, knocked over several patrons’ drinks, and proceeded to pour salt on yourself asking people if they wanted to lick it off your body and taste a ‘human margarita’.” _Hyung, why_. Youngjae let out a sigh and lifted himself from his seat and walked over to his hyung and tapped on his shoulder.

 

“Hey hyung,” the waitress glared at him upon implying that he knew Himchan, “it’s getting a little late. Daehyun left to go the bathroom so after he gets back maybe we should uh turn in.” It was only a little after 10 pm and he could tell Himchan was holding back the urge to taunt him about wanting to go home so early. After a series of apologies on Himchan’s behalf and a promise to leave as soon as possible, the waitress left, but not before shooting another glare at Himchan.

 

***

 

_Ah, back in the rolling asylum of poor life choices, Himchan’s car._ The car ride was just as awkward as it was on the way to the bar, Himchan’s snores breaking the silence. Youngjae cleared his throat. “So, how did you meet Himchan?” Talking about the guy that was currently passed out in the backseat wasn’t the most exciting conversation topic, but so far it was the only thing he seemed to have with Daehyun who was lounging in the passenger seat as Youngjae was across from him.

“I met him at a party. He and everyone else there was really wasted so I ended up driving to my dorm and letting him sleep on the floor. At some point in the night, he vomited on my sheets and somehow that cemented the friendship.” Youngjae merely nodded, eyes focused on the road. “Do you want to get food by any chance?”

“What? It’s 1 am, no places are open except for bars and I’ve had enough of those for one night.”

“IHOP’s open…” Youngjae raised an eyebrow in response.

“It is one in the morning, my friend is blacked out in the backseat and you want pancakes?”

“Well, it’s not like we really got to eat at the bar…”

 

***

 

              _How the fuck did he convince me?!_ Youngjae could stare at the reasonably priced waffles stacked in front of him as he questioned his life choices. _I used to mock people who came to places like IHOP at odd hours of the night… And now I’m one of them._

“If you’re not gonna eat your food, can I have it?” Youngjae pushed the plate towards him in reply, one hand on his face as he felt a headache kicking in.

“Full yet?” _This guy eats like a human garbage disposal. How is he still alive and not morbidly obese?_ Daehyun merely laughed at the question with Youngjae’s hopes of being to leave sinking rapidly.

“I’m never full but if you’re trying to not-subtly-hint that you want to leave, I don’t telling the waitress we’re done.” _Was that supposed to be passive-aggressive?_ Either way, Youngjae made a gesture for their waitress to return to their table, ignoring whatever implications Daehyun’s comment might’ve had.

“Are you and your boyfriend ready for the check?” Youngjae coughed in surprise at the question, unable to answer it. Daehyun seemed to take note of Youngjae’s response as he immediately replied to the waitress.

“Yup! Isn’t that right, sweetie?” _You fucker!_ Youngjae could only glare as he nodded silently, wishing the night would be over. Daehyun merely smiled at Youngjae’s embarrassment.

 

***

 

              “What the fuck was that?!” Youngjae didn’t know why he was mad but he didn’t care. Meanwhile, Daehyun laughed his ass off at Youngjae’s mini tirade. After a few minutes of Youngjae’s ranting and Daehyun’s uncontrollable laughter, the car quickly became silent. Eventually, Daehyun spoke.

“You’re cute when you get embarrassed.” Youngjae huffed in exasperation, unaffected. Years of hearing the same greasy pick-up lines and knowing exactly their implications made it easy for him to ignore them. After all, 99% of the time they were meant to lead in as a way to hook-up with someone which was never on his mind. “This is kind of off-topic, but do you know what to do with Himchan hyung? I mean, it’s not like either one of us has a way to get home and I don’t know what your situation is, but I can’t really walk home so what is the plan exactly?” Youngjae couldn’t answer as he was cut off by a horrible retching noise from the backseat. Himchan had woken up and it his night of drinking had caught up with him.

 

 ***

 

              _This isn’t how I wanted to spend my Saturday night, standing on the side of the road as my friend throws up._ Daehyun was doing a far better job in terms of being a supportive friend, patting Himchan’s back as he threw up the contents of a long night’s, maybe a whole day’s, worth of drinking. Meanwhile, Youngjae was leaning against the side of the car, debating whether to hop in, floor it, and abandon them.

              After what seemed like a vomit-filled eternity, Himchan managed to speak. “We could always stay at Youngjae’s.” The sentence came out slurred and barely coherent but there was no way for Youngjae to act as if he hadn’t understood the request. Letting random, greasy strangers into his apartment was typically an invitation for a one-night stand, an invitation he had no intention of sending. However, he couldn’t really argue. He was the most sober out of the three of them and even then he was barely fit to drive. He couldn’t just leave them. Dropping them off and then having Himchan pick up his car in the morning could work except Daehyun’s implication seemed to suggest that their places of residence (dorms in the cases of Himchan and Daehyun) weren’t particularly close to each other. Indeed, every option he played out in his head failed on some level or another but they all pointed back to the one he dreaded the most.

 

 ***

 

              _Unbelievable. I can’t believe I’m actually going through with this._ Youngjae eyed the two men sprawled about on the fold out couch with two feelings: irritation towards Himchan and apprehension towards Daehyun. It wasn’t that he had any reason to not trust Daehyun, he just didn’t have any reason to trust him at the same time. Apart from the fact that Himchan seems to trust him that is, but Himchan trusts practically anyone as long as they have a full set of teeth or if he thinks they have a “cool name” so that isn’t exactly an accomplishment. Yet at the same time, he seemed pretty harmless in his sleeping state. Not that it mattered. Youngjae had no intention of dating him, let alone getting attached if he could help it. Getting attached just meant more trouble for him in the long run and it wasn’t exactly fair to enter a relationship on false pretenses, those being the pretenses that sex would be guaranteed. Although telling someone up front was a pretty good way to scare them off, or in worse cases, invite creeps whose conversations start with “Oh, I could change _that_ …” _This won’t be a problem at all as long as I keep my distance._

 

 ***

 

              In the morning, Youngjae awoke to the sound of his 7:30 alarm pounding at his head. _Why the fuck do 8 am classes even exist?!_ As he silenced the irritating buzzer, he contemplated why he even had his alarm on during the weekends but he quickly pushed it to the back of his night. Himchan was still asleep despite the obnoxiously loud alarm that had just went off. Daehyun, however, appeared to have left. The fuck? It’s 7:30 and he managed to get up before despite being full of pancakes, waffles, and alcohol? His confusion disappeared as he felt the dryness in his mouth. Water. Entering the small kitchen, he noticed a sticky note on the fridge.

 

Had a fun time with you last night.

Left early so I wouldn’t be in your way (and I didn’t want to deal with Himchan Hyung and his hangover :P)

We should do this again sometime ;)

 

Youngjae’s kept scanning the small slip of paper as if trying to make sure he read it properly. _Had a fun time with you. Me?_ Perhaps keeping his distance would be more difficult than he originally thought.

 


End file.
